Suspicions

I noticed the spook marks illustrated around our water meter the other day, suggesting that, not for the first time, people dressed in Thames Water livery are going to fiddle around with it.

I suspect the security service of importuning Thames Water (which, being Australian owned, falls within some or other intelligence umbrella, probably five eyes) to strap a data collection device onto our main water intake. This device will be capable of picking up voice originated vibrations in the water pipes inside the house and sending them back to base.

Something called independent component analysis plus some fancy computers will then be more than enough to transcribe what we are saying in the privacy of our own home, even when we take the precaution of talking in more than one room at a time. So I wish the analysts many happy hours listening to our ruminations about lentils, soups, magpies and other important matters. Perhaps we should throw in the odd key word like 'dope' to keep them, or their computers, on their toes.

It is, of course, a nice point about who owns these vibrations. If I leave rubbish on the pavement, it becomes the property of the local council rather than mine, but my source is not helpful on vibrations. Not that I suppose that the securocrats trouble themselves with such niceties.