Apology

Intrigued to read in Sunday's Guardian about another apology initiative. It seems that a remnant of the Saxon royal house has been holding out, keeping their peace, in a manor house in a village called The Pludds on the northern edge of the Forest of Dean. (A strange area with some strange people, and some of them, when in their cups, sometimes forget themselves and refer to the remnant as the Lords of the Plauds). But now, clearing out some old papers in their attic, they have found important new evidence implicating an important member of the civil service in the disaster at Hastings. It now seems that Harold's groom of the stole, despite having sworn fealty and loyalty in the presence of a member of the regular clergy, was actually an agent in the pay of the Bishop of Bec (the chap who got Tooting Bec as part of his plunder), and was providing the Normans with important operational intelligence during the run up to the Battle of Hastings. It seems entirely likely that without this contribution the Normans would never have made good their landing. Harold's shield wall would never have been so brutally slaughtered on Senlac Hill, a slaughter which nowadays would almost certainly qualify as ethnic cleansing. A war crime.

The senior member of the remnant, Lionel Winfreoth III, recognises that it is not now going to be possible to put things right, but nevertheless feels that a public apology for this so treacherous behaviour of so very senior a civil servant by the head of the current civil service, if not the Prime Minister, would go some way towards healing  the wound. Some monetary compensation would also help with the rather leaky roof of the manor house. Possibly also with a new charcoal burner for his charcoal business. He has engaged the services of Max Clifford and is quietly confident that an apology will be forthcoming.