Listening banks

I was going to post something different but I have just spent an hour on the phone to my bank and need to let off the steam.

I wanted to tell my credit card people about some upcoming spending, having heard horror stories about the knots one can get into with exotic call centres when transactions get blocked because they fell well outside of one's regular spending patterns. So, to try and head the knots off, I thought I would tell them in advance.

Try the first number I come to on my statement. Would sir like to enter his 16 digit card number. Would sir like to enter his birthday. Would sir like to enter the 4th digit of his telephone security number. Not having one of these, or at least having no recollection of one, I fall at this third hurdle.

Try the second number and get the same treatment.

Try the contact number for customers on the bank's elaborate web site and get the same treatment.

Try the contact number for non-customers and get through to a person. After a little while I am told that I have passed the security exam and I am cut off.

Try the contact number for non-customers again and get through to another person, a pleasant lady sitting somewhere in Malta who must have talked to lots of irritated customers and who is trying very hard to soothe them. (She deserves to be well paid; I would not have the patience for it). After a little while I am told that I have passed the security exam and I can now proceed to set up a telephone security number. Which I do.

Perhaps sir would like to try it out. Fall at this hurdle.

Set the number up again and try it out again. This time I get over the hurdle and I am then able to do my very modest bit of business. We have a bit of chat about the weather conditions in Malta and I am done. In about the same time as it would have taken me to walk down to the branch in Epsom to be told that they are not authorised to do this sort of thing with customers in person and that I need to speak to the security centre on the phone... Would sir like me to write the number down for you?

Now I have to think where I am going to hide my record of this new number. Maybe not in the same place as any of the other numbers I am supposed to hide, on the other hand it has to be a hiding place which I am going to remember about. Should I invest in a safe deposit box with MetroBank when their branch in Epsom is up and running?

PS: I do see that banks have a bit of a problem here, and that it is not easy to be both secure and cuddly when there are so many clever villains (bang 'em up and throw away the key) out there on the ether. But hopefully we will get better at it one day.